Have a look.

A red-haired woman with an elongated chin smiles beside three phones showing different men saying HI while holding a fourth phone marked 800 MATCHES.

I only date emotionally available men.

I’ll reply when I’m bored.

A grinning angular influencer in an emerald suit holds a BODY POSITIVE sign toward a filming phone while accepting a huge stack of cash from a squat sales representative. An enormous Ozempic pen sits in a gold presentation case beside a LAXATIVE TEA bag.

All bodies are beautiful.

The commission is better on smaller ones.

An enormous muscular man with a tiny bald head points a waiting woman away from a taped gym filming area while a foreground camera monitor shows his black athletic shorts.

Gym is my therapy.

Move. You’re in my shot.

A woman with a huge asymmetric face poses for a phone with taped eyebrow clips and a shifted blonde wig; spare dentures and false eyelashes sit on the vanity.

Natural beauty.

Woke up like this.

A woman with an enormous elongated chin smells a daisy while taking a SLOW LIVING selfie; behind her, a smiling tablet nanny with mechanical arms rocks a safely seated child’s blue chair.

The children are the future.

The iPad’s handling it.

A huge-foreheaded man kneels before four golden shrines labeled VEGAN, GYM, AI and TRAVEL, worshipping broccoli, a dumbbell, a haloed chatbot laptop and a globe. Four devotees pose beside the idols while his discarded church robe, book and cross lie behind him.

I left the church.

Different altar. Same knees.

A woman with a long curved neck raises one hand and takes a gold card from an older man's overflowing robe pocket as he lounges beside a cake with 63 candles.

The universe provides.

The universe is 63.

A grinning long-faced man loads bottles into a shopping cart while two smiling dealers in white coats stand behind six jars labeled FOCUS, TRAUMA, CALM, SLEEP, ANXIETY and ADHD.

I don’t do drugs anymore.

My dealer has a wellness brand.

A red-faced man with a gigantic mouth bellows through a megaphone while his enormous other hand clamps a second speaker’s mouth shut.

I support free speech.

Shut the fuck up.

A grandiose surgeon patches a cracked planet with a tiny bandage beside a gigantic podcast microphone. His expertly repaired kidney sits in a small corner while admirers applaud his advice on everything.

He fixed a kidney. Now he’s fixing humanity.

The microphone covers everything his degree didn’t.

A furious purple-haired woman in round glasses and a rainbow-patched denim jacket films someone outside the picture.

Look how angry THEY are.

Both cameras are recording.

A crowned businessman throws a tantrum on a tiny stool while a dog pees on it. Around him, adults flex, pose, preach and scream at their phones.

We’re doing great.

The most advanced species on the planet, ladies and gentlemen.

A man wearing enormous watches peeks out of a ridiculous red luxury car decorated with a giant gold sculpture of his own head. A pigeon sits on it.

I don’t care what people think.

Are they looking?

A blissful guru floats above a shopping cart full of luxury purchases, clutching a credit card while an assistant holds a ring light like a halo.

Fuck materialism.

Use my code for 10% off.

An extravagant oil painting of aristocrats fighting over a tiny smartphone, with flying fruit, furious gestures and an enormous unopened book.

The comment section.

Nobody has read the article.

A broad-faced cowboy sheep in a black hat, embroidered red shirt and boots argues with a long-faced wellness sheep wearing lime sportswear, a topknot and several watches. Both point their black hooves at each other.

You’re a fucking sheep.

Said the other sheep.

A computer crowns a delighted man with a gigantic head and applauds him with a mechanical hand.

Finally. Someone intelligent.

It says my ex was the problem.

The long-faced man wears a black turtleneck, glasses and black trousers between two matching gallery neighbors.

The same man wears a black cowboy hat, red western shirt, denim and boots between two matching western neighbors.

The same man wears black punk clothing, spiky hair and boots between two similarly dressed neighbors.

The same man wears a gray hoodie and white sneakers between two matching tech workers with laptops and lanyards.

I found myself.

They were all wearing it.

A Black woman with a huge angular face, swept black hair, a long nose and curled sneering lips raises her middle finger at a phone showing angry comments and 4% battery. Her small teal-robed body sits on an orange meditation cushion beside incense, a brass bell and spilled tea.

Protect your peace.

Right after I win this argument.

A smiling woman with a huge broad caricature face stands proudly in red gym clothes, one hand on her hip and a blue dumbbell in the other.

The same woman in the same red gym clothes looks aghast at a phone showing a fitness influencer taking a mirror selfie; her blue dumbbell rests on the floor.

Nine seconds of self-esteem.

Then I opened Instagram.

An elderly man with a towering narrow bald head, white wisps and a long neck spills espresso from his tiny duck-robed body. His enormous wristwatch declares SLEEP 42/100 with a sad face while a smug sun grins through the bedroom window.

I slept great.

Until my watch told me I didn’t.

A magnificently smug man keeps his eyes closed while holding an enormous mirror toward his irritated partner and pointing at her reflection.

I’m very self-aware.

I know exactly what’s wrong with you.